Tag Archives: weirdoes

Online Dating is Fucking Depressing – Part 1: “And then she sucked his dick in the restroom.”

12 Oct


So, I’ve signed up, once again, to an online dating service. A different one, because I thought the previous was depressing and full of weirdoes, but, as it turns out, so is this one.

The last website seemed to be full of men, just dying to hit on me. I had literally just pressed “upload” on my profile, and within seconds I had a dozen messages in my inbox. Most of those messages were from creeps, men who were at least 20 years older than me, and/or requesting me to stay “open minded” to their unusual preferences. I did meet one sweet guy whom I dated for a while later on, so I will give it that.

This time, however, my inbox is completely empty. I fucking hate it. I’ve gone through the site. It is also full of weirdoes and creeps. But none of those creeps want to contact me. And for some strange reason I find that offensive.

Well, a whole 10 hours have passed now, and I’ve gotten one hit. It was from someone I thought looked like a nice guy and he wrote something about not being able to ignore my profile which was cute-ish. So I struck up a conversation with him which quickly moved from the web to WhatsApp to the phone. And there we were. A late night phone call in the quiet and darkness of midnight on a weekday in my house, my son snoring in the other room. I spoke to this dude for a full 20 minutes, in which he directly stated several times how attracted he was, not just to my body, but to my personality (which he knows how?), that he is generous in bed (good to know), that he would like to make me moan and that the sexiest thing in the world to him is to see a woman enjoy herself in bed (he doesn’t beat around the bush, this guy). He proceeded then to compliment me on how cute and un-weird I was, recounting a story from the week before about going out to a pub with his friend and how both of them hit on a couple of girls who were stupid and shallow. His friend was into one of them, and they were talking, and then “four minutes later she sucked his dick in the restroom” (quote). The other one, which he wasn’t really into, invited him to eat stew in her house. Stew.

I thanked him for the information. And when he said we’d talk tomorrow, I answered, absentmindedly “sure” and thought to myself – this is great stuff for my blog, maybe I should talk to him again. But I quickly remembered the dick sucking story, and decided that if he wrote me again I’d somehow let him down. I mean really, that’s more of a third-date-story. You give me all your weirdness on our first phone conversation and I’m going to lose interest.

Online dating is the worst. It just makes you feel bad about yourself. If I were to start a dating service, I would have servers sending people automatic messages every time they uploaded something, saying random flattering stuff just to make them feel good.

I really want to meet a nice guy. He doesn’t have to be the one, or even one of the ones. He doesn’t have to have amazing looks or like the stuff I like, or be amazing in bed. I’m just craving a quiet intimate moment shared with a partner, who’s warm, and considerate, and not an asshole. And this time, I’d like to try and get there without sleeping with an ex.