A Nightly Chat

“I wanted to tell you something earlier, but I didn’t want to make you laugh while you were… you know. Safety first.”

I laugh. “Well?”

“This might sound weird, but I mean it.”

“OK, come on. Out with it.”

“Well, it’s just that you really put you heart into that blowjob.”

“What the fuck? D?”

“No, I’m not saying it to be funny. Well, maybe a little. But I mean, when you do that, it feels like you’re not just doing it, you’re really.. well… You put your heart into it. Sorry, I’ve no other words to describe it. And it’s amazing, in case that part wasn’t clear.”

“Well, thanks babe. I do put my heart into it.”

“I do too. You know, when you let me do that to you.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” I put my head on his chest. “You know that’s why we’re so good at this.”

“We’re amazing.”

“If only there were sexual Olympic games. We’d totally score high.”

“There are actually.”

“No there aren’t!”

“Yes, there are. You want to go?”

“What? How? Explain to me how that works.”

“Well, you have a bunch of girls, blowing a bunch of guys, and there’s a judge…”

“You’re such an idiot.”

“And the first one who comes – ”

“Now just wait a minute. No. That makes no sense. The first one who comes? That’s not necessarily the best one! You could totally have a quick mediocre orgasm.”

“Hmm… Well, maybe they attach electrodes to your head or something to measure your level of pleasure.”

“Now, that makes more sense.”

We lay there quietly.

“I like laying here in bed with you, talking nonsense.”

“Me too.”

“I like being with you, hanging out, just talking,”

“I like that too babe.”

“And I like fucking you.”

“What a coincidence. So do I.”

“You do, huh?” He smiles. “So which do you like more?”

“What do you mean?”

“Talking, or fucking?”

“Is that a real question?” He laughs. I roll my eyes. “I like the whole package, OK?”

“Well, it’s a pretty awesome package.” He holds me. Just go to I love you I think to myself.

“Hey, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Sleep Intolerant

Baby daddy spent a night with the little guy last week while I went out with friends and got shitfaced, and in the morning when I texted him to see how Baby was, he wrote back that he doesn’t get why I’m so tired, Baby slept through the night. Doesn’t he always do that? This has happened twice so far. He’ll sleep through the night with his daddy, but wake up especially for me.

It’s 3 am in the countryside now, and the night is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I am away for a quiet weekend with a good friend and guess what? Baby is fast asleep.  He must be able to sense the chilled vibes of trees, clear skies, sunshine and birds chirping. He was relaxed and easygoing all day, to an extent where everyone here is impressed: What an easy baby!

And here I am, writing this post. Baby is fast asleep. So now who’s not sleeping through the night? I haven’t gotten more than five consecutive hours of sleep since the little guy was born, and that’s on a good night. At the beginning it was him – waking me up – but now I think I’ve just become sleep-intolerant. Night time is dark and quiet and dreamy. You remember things at night that you can forget during the day.

Since the breakup, I’ve only rarely cried. I’ve become kind of feisty. Even this blog is a little feisty, I think. But here I am in the countryside. The night is even quieter, lonelier here than it is in the city. Only a grandfather clock keeps ringing every half hour. And Baby won’t wake. I’m sitting here outside his room, ready to console him. If he wakes up crying I’ve got an army of milk and cuddles to put him right. But Baby is fast asleep.