Sleep well. Sweet Dreams. I love you.

17 Jan

I sat beside you, and looked at your eyes, almost entirely closed, and listened for a while to your heavy, steady breathing. I said, “It’s me.” And I thought I could feel you breathing more heavilly, and I imagined that you could hear me.

“I’ve been thinking about you. And not sad thoughts, happy thoughts. You are constantly in my mind. Everything reminds me of you. Things I eat and wonder if you would approve. Clinking glasses with friends and looking them straight in the eye, as you would. A song you like on the radio. A stupid thing someone says that deserves an eye-roll. You are present in my thougts, in my everyday life.

I wanted you to know that I’m OK. We’re all OK. You don’t have to worry about us. We’re taking good care of eachother. Even your father. Even your brother. They’ll be OK. They have people they love taking care of them. And J, she’s going to be OK too. E and I will look after her, I promise.

And I’m OK. I got the divorce agreement and it’s fair. I know you were worried for me.

I hope you’re sleeping well, and having sweet dreams, and remembering all the wonderful places you’ve visited, and all the delicous foods you’ve tasted, and all the people who love you, and always will.

It was a gift to have you in all of our lives.”

I paused and closed my eyes.

“And I’m going to read that book by Terry Prachett you recommended, Small Gods. E gave it to me. It’s about time I got to know Terry Prachett.”

I was silent for about ten minutes. And I imagined that your breathing became slower. And I was certain you couldn’t hear me any longer. I said, “Sleep well. Sweet dreams. I love you.”

And a couple of hours later I got the call.

And you were gone.

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