Comfort Food and Contemplation

15 Aug

pasta

Pasta with tomatoes and parmesan cheese at midnight. Healthy.

Staying up to blog rather than get some sleep. Smart.

Contemplating life and trying to reach a decision. Necessary, difficult, a lost cause.

 

Here’s what I know about BD:

1. He loves me.

2. He’s a good father.

3. He wants the same things in life as me: another kid, family time, travelling.

4. He has resources to make my life comfortable financially.

5. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to make us work.

6. He’s a slob.

7. He’s chronically late, everywhere.

8. He’s not really passionate about anything.

 

Here’s what I know about me:

1. I love who I am when I’m alone, I’m scared of losing myself in a relationship. I have before.

2. I’m a great mother, I’m sure I make mistakes, but I give it my all, 24/7 and I do more than just all right.

3. I can do it on my own. I’m just not sure I want to.

4. I do still care for BD.

5. There’s only so much I’m willing to do to make things work between us.

6. I feel happy when my house, schedule and emotions are tidy and neat. I need order.

7. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive BD for what he put me through when he left me abruptly with a 4 month old baby. 

8. I seek passion in every aspect of my life.

 

And there you have it.

No conclusions, just thoughts.

No light bulbs or ‘Eureka’s, just midnight pasta and contemplation.

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