16 Feb


Everyone is telling me to be careful. Everybody wants me to be smart.

The Divorce

He wants joint custody. I honestly don’t think that would be best for Baby. I think he needs his mom. And I think it would be dreadfully difficult for me too. But BD is his dad, and if he wants to be there for his boy, should I be standing in the way? Maybe it would be good for Baby to have a dominant father figure in his life.

It scares me, and I don’t think he can handle it. I think BD is biting off more than he can chew. And I don’t want him making mistakes with this, there’s just too much at stake. Play it smart, people keep telling me. Make sure that you get yours. The thing is, I’m not sure I know what mine is, and really, I think Baby is the only person whose wants and needs matter this time, not mine.

Skating Guy, Still Here.

I’m letting this thing happen to me. It’s dangerous, it’s reckless, I’m bound to get hurt, but I don’t care. My friends are a little taken aback by how fast things are moving. I got a few watch its and we’re just looking out for yous, and I know that they are.

I don’t care. Although BD’s only been out of the house for 5 months, honestly, it feels like forever since I’ve been loved. Yes, I’m using the L-word. Go ahead; tell me I’m being rash. I am, I know it. But I don’t care.


I’ve decided to put Baby in daycare starting March. He’s only going to be 9 months old, but it really seems like he’s craving the company of other kids, and the stimulation that daycare can provide. It’s nice to be home with mommy, or his aunts who babysit, but really, it’s very limited. I found an amazing place, literally a two minute walk away from our apartment. I got great recommendations. It’s a family place, with only ten kids, and the head teacher is a warm friendly motherly type, who sings constantly, and cooks, and smiles, and issues hugs freely. We went to visit. Baby was on my lap at first but then he wriggled free and went crawling about, pulling at the other kids’ ears and feet, squealing with joy.

But he’s going to get sick a lot at daycare. You’ll be home with him half the time. And a baby needs his mother. Who’s that warning me now? Oh yes, it’s me.

I guess the truth is that everyone wants what’s best for me. And so do I. I guess the truth is that there aren’t as many warnings issued from friends and family as there are from myself. It’s ME who keeps telling ME to be careful.


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