Practice Makes Perfect?

11 Dec

martiniI don’t know why, but for the last few weeks, I’ve been walking around like some hormone stricken 16-year-old. I’ve been noticing guys – and I never used to notice guys before, in fact my girlfriends have always teased me for being completely oblivious regarding boys. A hot guy would pass by and they’d be drooling all over him, and I’d be saying: Who? Where? I missed it!

And now, well, this is just exhausting. I’m hyper sensitive, everything excites me, everything feels fresh and new and interesting. I feel passionate, not just about men, about everything, about all the experiences that I am blessed to have in my life. I feel alive.

Yes, I admit it, men are a part of it. For a person who’s used to getting closeness and sex on a regular basis, this is one hell of a dry spell. But you see, overlooking a pornographic blog post here or there, generally speaking, I am a conservative kind of gal. Or at least I used to be. Which is why I highly doubt I will ever be able to do the casual sex thing. Which means I won’t be getting any for quite some time. And that’s depressing as hell. Still, even without sex, male attention can be pleasant and ego boosting, which is why I have no plan to abstain from it.

So tonight, My friend B took me out to a bar to practice eyeing boys. The idea was not to hit on anyone, not to be hit on, but simply to practice, so that when I felt ready for some male attention, I wouldn’t be as rusty, tense or embarrassed as I was tonight.

The bar was nearly empty when we walked in. But the bar tender was cute, so we started there. B demonstrated, and I followed her lead. Soon, the place was filling up. I’ve always been a straight A student, and here too, I decided to take the lesson very seriously. Here’s what I learned.

1. Smile. This didn’t work well with bartender one, who just gave me a blank stare in return. But it worked out great with bartender two, who kept asking if we needed anything more.

2. Look. I couldn’t do it at first. Seriously, this is one of the most awkward, embarrassing things in the world. Every time a guy caught my eye, I’d quickly look down and start giggling nervously, saying OMG HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! (Did I mention that I’ve been acting 16 lately?) B said, look at the guy, let him look back at you, and only then turn away. So I tried again. A guy sat to my left. I turned to him and smiled, he smiled back. Shit! What do I do now? Hi. I said. Fuck! Why did I say hi? I didn’t want to say hi! Hi. He answered back and pulled out a cigarette. Not another smoker, yuck. I quickly turned back to B, and vowed not to look back in that direction for the rest of the evening. But finally there was another guy, he sat across from us at the other side of the bar. I didn’t find him remotely interesting, but he was good enough to practice with. I held my martini glass, while chatting with B and gave him the occasional glance, and he looked back and even smiled once. That was the end of it. Shortly after that we left. But I was pleased that I had been able to look at him without breaking into giggles.

3. Flirt. This was lesson number 3. I didn’t even attempt this. It seemed like an advanced course, and I’m still a freshman when it comes to boys in bars.

So, here’s what I think…

This is just so much work! I’m not used to having to work to get attention and warmth, I’m used to just asking. Wouldn’t it be great if you could just walk up to a person you’re attracted to and say directly what you were interested in? If I could just approach a guy and say, listen, I think you’re cute. I’m really emotionally unavailable right now, but I’d love a hug and a kiss, and if you tell me I’m pretty that’ll really do it for me. What do you say? And he would either answer: Sure, why not. Or: Listen, I’m really looking for sex now, why don’t you call me when you stop being such a prude? Or: Listen, no offence, you seem lovely, you’re just not my type. I swear, I would take no offence.

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2 Responses to “Practice Makes Perfect?”

  1. Day Today Dating December 11, 2012 at 10:29 pm #

    Have fun :).

    – K.

  2. bluebeadpublications December 11, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

    Pratice with your hair. The tug, behind the hair tuck, letting it fall in your eyes etc.

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