No sex for you.

19 Nov

I’m sitting on the sofa, and Baby is playing in his playschool at my feet. There is a red rattling guitar hanging from it and he grabs it with both hands and stuffs it so intently into his little mouth that I keep worrying he might choke. But those are my fears, not his, I have to remind myself. He is fearless. It’s me who manages somehow to take his keenness, his enthusiasm, and read fear into it. I think I need to be more like him.

I want to eat this world up like some rattling red guitar, I want to gobble it up and not be worried about choking.

But how does one go about finding a guitar these days? I’ve been with only two guitars in my life, and with the latter for the last 13 years. So I’m a little rusty. And I’m also not really ready to be out there. Oh I know, I’ll make a pro and con list. That always works.

Having Meaningless Sex with a Random Stranger

Pros: Will help with horniness; relieve tension; may help me feel attractive; and most important – beat Baby Daddy to it.  Not that it’s a race, but the polite thing to do, after leaving me alone with a baby is to at least let me get some first.

Cons (this is going to be depressing)Still carrying 8 extra kilos from the pregnancy and feeling like a giant walrus, not that hot; seriously CANNOT face rejection right now, and that’s a risk; I’m not sure I know how to have meaningless sex, never done it before; to have meaningless sex I need to find a not-too-sleazy guy that I am actually attracted to, get very drunk, have a good enough sitter prepped so that I’m not constantly worried about Baby, and go to some random guy’s place which sounds dangerous and not really my thing.

Conclusion: NO SEX FOR YOU.


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